Well, I’m your rapping Santa and I’m here to say,

Y’all better be good for Christmas Day!

With a “Yo, yo, yo” and a “Ho, ho, ho!”

Gotta get up on my sleigh, time to go, go go.

To your mama’s house, gonna sneak right in,

Gonna leave a pearl necklace right under her chin.

Yeah your mama kissed Santa ‘neath the mistletoe,

Belt buckle that I wear ‘cuz I’m hung down low

Pass the amyl nitrate bottle under her nose,

With a wink and a nod, up her chimney I rose!

Clapping those cheeks to a thunderous beat,

When suddenly I hear some stomping feet.

Your daddy comes in, sees your mama’s grin,

Just when I’m busting my nut again.

So I quicken my pace, wipe it off on her face,

That look in his eye, means it’s time to fly!

Those eight little reindeer pulling my sleigh,

Make for a mighty quick get-away!

And they heard me exclaim as I rode out of sight,

“Merry Christmas to all, your mama’s shit was tight.”

Hell son, when you hung like Santa, they all be tight.

Keep eating all them cookies and you can go all night.

12/22/2024